GRRRRRR! My good mood is so challenged. I just got an email from our financial people and it looks like our loan won't be funded till Tuesday. What does that mean? It means we don't get our keys till Tuesday! :( I knew this was a possibility but I just kept hoping it would work out. It did not and while I know it's only a few days it really is a buzz kill. Do I have control over this? NO. I get it. It's more that I am just excited to get into our house, excited to move on and have a fresh start for Husband and me. I am looking forward to this and a few days doesn't make much difference. I guess I just feel like letting it get to me for a few minutes.

I suppose I'm over it now...

There are still many good things about today. For example, I am watching Obama give a speech at the DNC. The crowd is INSANE. It would be so cool to be there. I can only imagine the chemistry in the air there.

Good things:

1. Barak Obama for President!
2. A few more days to pack.
3. Mint basil.
4. Thursday.
5. Kimchi in the fridge.
6. The Cho Show.
7. Hannah's excitement.
8. Comforting C.
9. Packing up the kitchen.
10. Wasabi Peas.
11. A thank you note from our niece.
12. My Grandmother.
    
13. Turning the cell phone off.
14. Caller ID.
    
15. Learning from watching others (both good and bad things).
16. Laughter.
17. Remembering to make time for Husband.
18. Safe driving.
19. Animated emoticons, especially dancing bananas. They are too funny.
    
20. Good conversation.

1. Listening and learning.
   
2. Being so excited to do this assignment.
3. Getting everyone's lists every night - it is so cool to end the day with not just with my gratitude, but with everyone else's also.
4. My mother and my father next to me at the meeting tonight.
5. My mother's reaction to this meeting - she seemed much happier when they left my house tonight.
6. The warm welcome when we arrived tonight.
7. Everyone's patience when I show up to these meetings with C. She is getting more and more chatty and soon will be ready for babysitting. In the meantime, I am SOOOOO grateful to be able to come with her in tow.
   
8. Someone letting C chew on her cell phone.
9. C's silly "scrunchy-nose heavy breathing" at the meeting tonight.
10. My back seems to be healing (note to self - no more flipping the baby).
    
11. Appliance shopping with Mom today. I had no idea what to look for in a washer and dryer so I am thankful she was here to help.
12. Prayer and meditation.
13. Chicken wings and ranch dressing from Red Devil.
14. Coffee in the morning.
15. Decaf coffee in the evening.
    
16. Paint colors - I can't wait to paint my house!
17. Hearing about old friends from work. Reminds me that I miss them and it's time to call and say hello.
18. Learning that I can enjoy the gifts in my life regardless of what is happening around me. I was so conflicted about that just a short time ago.
19. The end of the day - it's such a quiet, peaceful time for our family.
    
20. Cheesecake.
    

The house is ours! *Almost* We signed our papers today and are just waiting for money to change hands - the keys will be ours by Tuesday at the latest but we are really hoping to get them by Friday. Husband and I are talking about knocking out some painting this weekend and getting the blinds/ceiling fans installed - that sort of stuff - this weekend. Then, we can actually move next weekend. I HOPE, I HOPE! We've been patient but I am getting to the end of my rope. I am so excited for this house. We need the space. I need the fresh start.
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Good things:

1. My mother's help today.
   
2. Signing the papers for our house - we're *almost* home!
3. My dad stopping by for dinner.
4. Looking forward to tomorrow - time to go appliance shopping!
5. VA loan programs - we are so blessed to be able to get into this house, it's more than I could have ever imagined.
6. Recognizing how blessed I am. I feel so lucky today and I am grateful beyond words.
7. Girl time with my mom and my daughters today.
   
8. Impromptu napping this afternoon.
9. Health insurance.
10. Watching C sleep.
11. Kisses goodnight.
12. Internet and E-mail.
13. Coffee with cream.
14. Cheese.
15. Husband's smile.
16. A back rub.
17. Paying slightly less for gas today than the last time I filled up.
18. New things to read.
    
19. Good conversation.
20. Patience. I don't always have it, but things are better when I do.

Powerlessness

**I pray to be released from my compulsion to control my situation. I have so often proved I am unable to control it. Let me think, know and feel my powerlessness; then I will at least learn to let go...**
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Good things:

1. Chicken, feta and spinach quesadillas for dinner.
2. Husband gave C a bath so I wouldn't have to bend over.
   
3. We get to sign the papers for our house tomorrow!
4. Today was a good day.
5. A friend calling for prayers.
6. Praying for that friend.
7. Love.
8. Rain.
9. H's sense of responsibility - she's maturing so much and it blows me away.
10. Writing/journaling.
11. Silly pictures of C in the bath.
12. A hot pad on my lower back.
13. Our family of 4.
14. All the rest of our family.
15. Realizing on Sunday that I have more sisters.
    
16. My mentor.
17. Towels to sop up the water coming in my house right now.
18. Contractors who will eventually fix the leaks.
19. Good music.
20. Planning and saving money on groceries.
    

Yay for Sunday. Yesterday was fun. We went to the house and measured our windows. 30 freakin windows!!! The cost of blinds is going to break the bank - today I am grateful for credit, and no interest deals, lol. We'll be shopping for something like that along with a new washer/dryer and microwave. AIEEEE! Oh - I'm also grateful that my parents just replaced some of their appliances and we don't have to buy a new fridge right away. It was so fun to be at the house and think - We're home! Even if it's still not officially ours, I am just looking forward to moving in. I'll save good things for tonight when I post before bed. That's it for now.
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Today I'm grateful for:

1. Our new house.
   
2. My husband.
3. Our kids.
4. Best friends.
5. My mom came to a meeting with me.
   
6. A nice weekend.
7. The start of a new week.
8. Learning about making amends.
9. School starting for me this week! One year down and one more to go.
   
10. A new book to read.
11. A hot shower to relieve my back pain.
12. Husband's ability to make me laugh even when we're having a heated discussion.
13. Husband's ability to make me laugh period.
14. Silliness.
15. Sleeping in.
16. Learning from the past.
17. Looking forward to the future.
18. Quiet.
19. Sub sandwiches.
20. Restraint.

Today I had fun at lunch. :) I am inspired to dust of my camera and go shoot again so I txt'd a friend to see what he'd be up to if I wanted to go for an early morning or evening low light shoot. I think we're going to scope out downtown Phoenix in the early morning light next weekend!!! I am REALLY excited. I just need to make sure that Sean is off for Labor Day so I don't have to worry about the kiddos. My plan is to pre-scout some areas over the next week - something I don't usually do.

My good things today:

1. Starting my 20+10 list early tonight.
2. Listening to H read. She made a lot of progress this summer.
3. C is almost crawling (this one is bittersweet).
4. Impromptu lunch with a friend today - we laughed so hard!
5. Inspiration.
6. Husband's job.
7. Our family.
8. Hearing Nephew A's little voice on the phone
9. Creativity.
10. The ability to let go of petty stuff today.
11. Free cookies!
12. Noticing things to be grateful for as I go through my day - is this becoming a habit?! :)
13. Stain removal.
14. Hugs from Husband.
15. The privilege to be a mother to my beautiful daughters.
16. Our health.
17. Thursday.
18. Choices.
19. Running water.
20. Finishing my 20+10 list for tonight.

I am so tired. Today wasn't especially bad or good. Just a long day and I am glad it is over and I get to start over again tomorrow.

1. Immediately feeling energized when I parked my car in the meeting parking lot tonight.
2. Nephew N asking me for one of my delicious peanut butter sandwiches after school.
3. Nephew N telling me I am the best cook after he ate said peanut butter sandwich.
4. Taking the baby for pictures today after putting it off for way too long.
5. Meeting up with an old friend I haven't seen in nearly a year.
6. Best Friend called me to tell me she saw an AZ license plate and thought of me (she's in TX).
7. The end of a long day.
8. My pillow.
9. H telling me if she had to choose a life with a baby sister or without a baby sister - she'd definitely choose her baby sister.
10. H reminding me that I too would always choose my sister (though I forget that sometimes).
    
11. Doing things I did not feel like doing today - I was able to step out of myself for a few minutes and just clean up.
12. Listening to Nephew N and Husband talk about Pokemon right now. It's a pretty silly conversation.
13. A friend came with me to the meeting tonight and connected with someone she really seemed to like.
    
14. An interesting meeting tonight - it really gave me a lot to think about.
    
15. Chocolate chip cookies at lunch today.
16. Everyone's 20+10 lists.
17. Free Credit Report commercials make me laugh even when I'm pretty annoyed.
18. C fell asleep quickly tonight.
19. The smell of popcorn.
20. HGTV - it's always there when I'm ready to veg out.

My mentor has me expanding on the 5 good things concept to something called "20+10". It's a list of 20 things instead of 5 things. Eventually I'll add a "Resentful/Selfish/Dishonest/Afraid/Controlling" list to that too but for now it's 20 good things so here they are:

1. Starting my 20+10 list
2. Remembering to talk to Sean more about issues that affect our family (instead of running off alone and making "the right" decisions)
3. C's laugh
4. Hearing H's favorite thing about school today (writing in her journal)
5. Re-reading a book my best friend sent me 13 years ago
6. Learning to understand boundaries better
7. Reinforcing those boundaries for myself
8. Uneventful phone calls from my sister
9. Finally talking to my mom today about something financial that was bothering me
10. Phone call with my mentor
11. Korean food for dinner again - FREAKIN' YUM
12. Sleeping children
13. A quiet house as I type this list
    
14. Phone call to Ju to ask her how she's doing today
15. Cold water to drink
16. A HOT, HOT shower
17. H and C in the bath together
18. Ordering vintage Star Wars sheets from Pottery Barn Kids for a queen sized bed!!!! :D
    
19. Time to take a short nap today
20. Feeling content right now

Today was nice and quiet. Maybe too quiet? I kept myself busy with house work though. We haven't heard back on our close date - that's annoying! I'm itching to know when we will get in the new house. We're talking about looking at colors and we need to get down there and take window measurements so that should keep us busy this weekend. I hope we will have our date by the end of the week.

Good things:

1. My husband brought the baby to bed when she woke up for her night feed. And, he put her back in her crib so I didn't have to get out of bed at all - even though he's the one who had to get up for work today. I really appreciated that and I told him so this evening.
2. Reading Best Friend's blog - her post made me smile.
3. A good, quiet day.
4. Willingness. Willingness to let go - even though it won't be easy to actually do it. I both have to and I am willing to.
   
5. Fried rice and kimchi. YUM.
   

Good things:

1. My best friend's voice on the line.
2. H telling me she's grateful for her baby sister.
3. Nephew N telling H to look at the sun shining on the water as we drove over Tempe Town Lake.
4. C babbling more and more.
5. Holding onto my sanity (as challenging as that is sometimes).
   

I am a bit more at peace today though I have had some preoccupation with a situation. I do have things to be thankful for, every single day. I'm grateful that I know that now.

Good things:

1. Every moment is a gift.
2. Laughing so hard my stomach hurt with friends tonight.
3. Korean food for dinner. YUM.
4. My best friend moving into her new house next week. :)
5. Turning the ringer off on my phone.
   

Today was trying. I got through it. And, I got through it much better than I have in the past when these things happened. I don't know what to do. But, I know I don't have to do anything right now.

Good things:

1. Getting ready for bed.
   
2. My mentor.
3. Having a support system and not feeling alone during trying times. Especially when you have to make hard decisions that no one can make for you.
4. Making better decisions than last time.
5. My family.
   

I feel conflicted right now. Something just happened but maybe (?!) nothing just happened at the same time. I just feel that in what is generally a normal situation, something was slightly off. There was a distinct difference from this morning to this afternoon. I realize my own fear of the perceived change is my own to deal with. And, that I don't have to let it ruin my day or consume my thoughts. That's what I am working on now. I am disturbed but I need to and want to get past it. So, in working to transcend - my 5 good things so far for today are:

1. Good memories of growing up.
2. Loving my family - my daughters and husband.
3. Writing an essay about being powerless.
4. Sometimes no reaction is a good reaction.
5. The house is done!

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My husband came home from work and I told him how I was feeling. It was nice to have him listen. It was also nice to hear about his day and the good things that happened. Here are 3 more good things:

1. A good day at work for my husband.
2. Listening to his stories and jokes.
3. Laughing together.
   

She's really trying to crawl. I was in such denial thinking that this wouldn't happen for a few more months. Maybe it will take her a while to figure out (yeah right).

Good things:

1. Going to a meeting.
2. Sleeping children.
3. Dinner in the crock pot.
4. Sleeping through the night (even if it is random).
   
5. My friends.
   

I love this picture of them together. :)

Our house is done this week! We have our final walk through tomorrow (EXCITEMENT). We do have to wait a few weeks to close because of paperwork and all that jazz... But, that's ok! We're just looking forward to it being ours.

Currently reading Going Sane - Maps of Happiness and contemplating "Sanity"... (From a review of Going Sane) - The proposition Going Sane advances is that sanity boils down to making room for conflict. A sane person is someone who is tolerant of his own and others' conflicting desires, ideas, foibles. One is reminded of the title of a book by Stuart Hampshire: Justice is Conflict. This is an important idea. Sanity or justice does not consist in striving after perfection. Sanity is a space where life in all its messiness can take place.)

1. Going to a meeting tonight.
2. Being there for my BIL.
3. Barbeque chicken in the crockpot.

1. Making apple sauce for the baby.
2. Listening to my husbands advice/input.
3. Praying even though it feels strange.

1. C's smile.
2. H's laugh.
3. My husband.