A short review of Week 1 (And: On Sabotaging Happiness)

The first week of my happiness project went pretty well. I have charts with nifty stars on them where I kept track of both the daily specifics and my January resolutions in general. Looking back on the week I see that I started out of the gate at a sprint - I was so excited to begin working on happiness! And, it worked! It was a pretty happy week. However, I see a drop in my activity level toward the end of the week (yay charts!). As I begin Week 2 I would like to fight through the end-of-the-week-lag and see if I end up with more stars than Week 1. That's my challenge to keep me engaged.

On a larger level in working on how I practice happiness, I took at look at where my own behavior might be occasionally sabotaging my happiness.

Here are a few behaviors I've identified:

Expectations
Especially when I feel disappointed with a person or situation, I have begun to ask myself a few questions:

1. Has this person or situation really done something to upset me?
   
2. OR, did I have some expectation that the person would do something, or that a situation would go a certain way, and then I became unhappy when things did not go as I expected?
3. Have I communicated my desires realistically, specifically and clearly?

I think the 3rd question here is key. Clear communication helps me to get those expectations out on the table. But, "letting go" is also important. That's just good practice in life anyway. Sometimes I have an expectation that, upon evaluation, just doesn't really matter ultimately. Then, it's time to LET GO...

Resentments
When I begin to feel unhappy with what seems to be a resentment I remember that everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves (Jung). When I am disturbed I ask myself:

1. What is it about me that should be addressed in this situation?
   
2. How can I make it better?
   
3. What can I learn?

I don't usually get there right away, but most of the time when I focus the reflection on myself I am able to (eventually) spot my responsibility - or "my part" as they say. When I am not able to see what I can learn/change in a resentment situation, I am working on patience. Here, "there is only love" comes in handy. If I can't act with love, I don't act (more realistically - this is the attitude I am trying to adopt, it's not perfect).

Fear
In his song, The Heart of Life, John Mayer says, fear is a friend who's misunderstood. That has stayed with me. My big questions here are:

1. What am I afraid of?
2. Why am I afraid of this (is it a reasonable fear)?
3. How can I let go of this fear?

Even though it's not easy to just "let go" of a fear, once I've truly identified and acknowledged it, I am able to find a way to work through it instead of allowing it to continue to control me. I challenge myself to "be unafraid." Another way to phrase question 3: What would I do if I were unafraid? I have found that I would much rather do something even if I am afraid, than regret not doing anything at all (especially due to fear).

There are more but I think that's enough unpacking for a Sunday night. What behaviors do you think might occasionally sabotage your happiness?